I want to start by paraphrasing First Corinthians 13:
"Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does NOT insist on having its own way. It is not resentful or angry. It does not rejoice in the wrong but rejoices in the right."
If you love a woman, you will treat her with respect. You will be truthful with her, even when you've done something you shouldn't have. She has a right to know what's going on with you. She has a right to help to make meaningful decisions for the two of you, or for your family. She's your family, too, even if you're not married yet.
When you're angry, even if it's at something she did, you will simply state that the behavior made you angry. Let her be a part of the change. Do not yell, or accuse, or be sarcastic. She is your help-mate, and most probably the mother of your children. Show her you love her by showing some respect.
Respect is the overriding trait here. If you don't show respect, then you don't deserve respect.
Let me tell you how I work. I am not a stupid woman. I do not appreciate jokes about flakiness, or PMS or menopause. These are rude, crude and beneath your dignity, and mine. When you make these kinds of jokes, you are really saying you don't think I measure up, that you think you are better than I am at something. You make yourself less of a person by exercising superiority. You also show ignorance of biology, and a flagrant prejudice.
I personally celebrate the English language by using "hip" vernacular. However, I use these terms full-well knowing that they may not be grammatically correct. I have a degree in English, for God's sake. Of course I know when something is grammatically correct or not. If you make fun of the way I talk, it just shows that you have issues with insecurity and that you lack a compassionate sense of humor.
When I make a decision about politics or about current events, I do so only after careful consideration and lots of research. Do NOT argue with me without having solid facts to back up what you say. When I share information with you, I do it in the spirit of sharing. I am not trying to change your mind or challenge you. To say "ALL you liberals..." or "You left-wingers..." only shows your insecurity and your own lack of knowledge, not to mention the fact that when you generalize, you are once again stepping into the realm of prejudice and stereotyping.
I am an honest person. I do not lie, cheat, or fool around. However, I am fiercely independent. When I want to go somewhere, or if I have to work odd hours, I will do so. I don't need anyone worrying about me, fussing over me, or accusing me of being unsafe. I don't need anyone to "take care of" me. I am quite sufficient to myself, thank you.
When I cry, that means I am truly upset, perhaps even inconsolably so. That means BACK OFF. Let me work through whatever it is. And if I am angry with something you did, I will tell you so. I expect you to listen and then state your own case calmly. I believe in sharing and in two-way streets.
But the minute you show jealousy, the minute you accuse me of something I didn't do, then it's over.
Most especially, if you call me "Bitch" or "Sorry" or "Worthless," then I don't have to deal with you. I will be out of your life. If you say "I hope you die," then I will be dead to you. I will break off all contact with you. You are not worth my time. And you, on the other hand, need some serious attitude adjustment. You can't say you love a woman and then call her names. That's not love. That's abuse. No woman needs to take that. No REAL man would do that. In fact, if you really love someone, those kinds of names or accusations would never occur to you. They would never enter your head, no matter how angry you might be at a given situation.
Words are just as damaging as slaps and hits. I choose not to be a victim--EVER.
Finally, if you are divorced from a woman, then she doesn't owe you an explanation for ANYTHING. She is not your venting service, or your confidant, or the punching bag for you to drunk dial.
So if you think you can get a rise out of me by sending me ugly emails or text messages, think again. If I have written you off, then I have written you off. You are no more. You are a small person with a small mind, so you can just keep your head in the sand.
Goodbye to you!!!
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